Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Scary things

One of my admirers has written asking about what to do with scary things. Unfortunately, she addressed the question to Buddy. Sigh - well, what Buddy does with scary things in his pasture is to lower his pointy little head and attack. The Shepherd and the Big Guy once had to rescue a pretty roughed up big black hen that Buddy has used as a soccer ball, on the theory that she was a danger.

So, as a much wiser sheep than Buddy, I - Benny, would say the first thing to do is to not imitate Buddy. Don't attack - many scary things go away (or just fly over the fence) of their own accord.

Secondly, eat. Many things look much better on a full tummy. Becca says that my world knows no fear evidently because my tummy is ALWAYS full. Rubbish. But fear of starving clearly makes everything look worse.

Third, nap. When you wake up, some of the scary things will be gone, or much smaller. If all else fails, walk up to them (or send Becca) and see what they are really close up.

I would elaborate on this topic, but the Big Guy, in his new Carharrts, has just appeared with a fresh bale of hay. Nothing scary about this !!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

What IS that thing ??

The picture tells it all, folks. The Big Guy comes out on Jan 5th and tosses something big, green and scary over the fence into OUR space. Sure - it is dangerous - throw it to the sheep. We spot it immediately - well, after eating - and look it over for a long time. You can't be too careful - the people in the Big House don't have a clue.

After regarding it for sometime - note that Corrie the Muncher is in the front, and I am bravely defending the rear flank along with Bob - we thought it over as it began to rain and blow . Don't even get me started on the climate - its is winter and we are in Montana - rain ??? Then we went back into the barn to think it over for a day.

Becca, the brain trust, mulled it over for a bit and said - I think this happened last year, too. And we didn't die. So, she put her head down and stalked it and it didn't move. Next thing we know, she is eating it.

As we are gathered around this pretty pungent snack, someone says, I don't think we are supposed to eat this if we are pregnant. Becca says, talking with her mouth full, to get pregnant, you have to be cooped up with Butthead. Buddy panics. He spends 6 months out of the year at least with Butthead...companion wether they call him. Becca, he chokes - what if I am pregnant ?? Becca fixes him with her "that's the dumbest thing I've heard since the last time Benny spoke" look and says YOU ARE A GUY SHEEP ! You can't get pregnant.

Oh. Well, at least I knew that all along.

The shepherd say we need a patron saint, or at least SHE needs a patron saint. She is thinking about St. Panacea who was a shepherdess and beaten to death by her step mother with a spindle. I think it fits - clearly she has been hit on the head too many times by something.

Tomorrow - picking seed head out my my velvety soft muzzle - where do they get this hay, anyway ??

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

WiFi is back !

Benny here, at last. I don't know what my IT people are doing in the Big House, but it certainly wasn't getting me back online. We have a communication problem here, people !! I went to the fence and called (they say I bellow like a 600 lb. steer) and they come out, pet me, check the feeder and the water and the salt and then say "now, now Benny - everything is just fine" and go back in a open presents or watch football. Help !!! My WiFi connection is DOWN !!! And they think all I worry about is food....peasants - they are all peasants.

So, after 2 weeks, I have to clean the lamb poop out of my hooves before I dare get on the keyboard. Training them has been hopeless. The rules are - we all pee in the middle of the barn and poop outside, or if you must, where YOU sleep. Not where Benny sleeps. Hopeless - and then there is Becca, who seems to get down right weird about every 20 days or so. At least in the winter. She is such a know-it-all most of the time, but every once in a while, like a cycle, she gets very goofy. This week, she was fleeing the barn everytime the Big Guy comes out. What ?? He got new Carharrts for Christmas - this makes him a stranger ???

Becca - get a grip ! He is carrying FOOD !

The Big House people went away for 4 days and we had a nice sub. She poured pellets, checked water, crooned sounds sheep like to hear, fed Butthead and the girls. She hasn't quite got the "scratch Benny's chest first before all else" thing down yet, but she is trainable. Good thing, too, because we have seen very little of the shepherd since the Big Guy got home. What can she be doing that is more important than feeding and rubbing sheep, I ask ?

They say its a new year, and things will change. I guess the Big Guy is retiring ? Didn't he do that 4 years ago and did I see any improvement in my life ??? Maybe the new overalls mean he will live here now. He does seem to be a bit more relaxed, and I get my chest rubbed longer in the evening, so this could be an improvement. Heaven knows the management on the place could use some spiffying up....

Happy New Year - may your hay have more leaves than stems, may your orchards overflow with windfall for sheep, and may your lambs grow up with good manners !!